One thing I can count on

Whether it’s the birthday of Jesus or America, I know I’m going to get a text message from this person. I think I’ll be really upset if I every find out who it is.

Holiday Text

Oh Phee...

What’s the best way of dealing with a DUI? Phillip thinks it’s getting “fuck pigs” forever inked on his body. Way to go little buddy.


Dog Wars: Get Well Soon Edition

Everyone at NTF, or at least 1/3 of us, wants to wish Hank a speedy recovery.

Broken Hank

R.I.P. weirdo


I love my friends


dear Universe

Could you please tell me why it’s 85 degrees in Seattle and I’ve ridden my bike to work in the rain the past two days? Thanks.



Things I don't get about L.A. vol.231

Where are you suppose to dump your dolphins down here?


Quote of the week

“I’m really nervous Phil is gonna hit on my high school cousins at the wedding”

- the future Mrs. Baaaaaaarrns

Ring Ring

Hey Goods,

Do you guys have the Griffey’s? Do you have them in size 11? Saweet! Do they run big or small? Well, what size DO YOU where? 10.5? Okay, can you try it on and tell me if it fits or if it’s too loose. Why not? I’m your customer and I don’t want to drive over there to find out they don’t fit. I don’t care if you just closed your till and the shops closing in 5 minutes. I really want those shoes!

Jay z is coming in town and I need to put them on hold for him!


Punch Out


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